Sometimes You Just Know

The Coach just left after another wonderful weekend together. I can still smell him on my body and I miss him already. I vowed to never do this long distance thing again and here I am, once again hating that the man that I love is hours away. Yet, this time farther, a good 7 hours between him and Chicago. A glutton for punishment I am, I guess.

This time I hope that it is different. After all of the agony I have been through the past year, and the shitty relationships of my past, I deserve a little happiness, and the Coach makes me happy. I had one of those moments of complete contentment today, sitting on my couch, bellies full from the chili I made for lunch, and just snuggling into his arms with the sun streaming through the windows and onto our laps. I felt like I could stay like that forever.

It’s funny, I know that we are moving fast. Really fast. After only two months we have told each other that we love each other. Already talking about him moving to Chicago next year and moving in together. Already talking about beginning to build a life together. Already talking about this being it, about finally finding someone to share the rest of our lives with.

Then there are the little things he does, like: I love how he tells me that he loves me all the time, how he goes to Ikea with me and doesn’t complain then drags my new coffee table up four flights of stairs, and how he stands at the sink and does the dishes without my asking. I love how he brings me little presents for my apartment; how he sends me text messages in the middle of the day, and sends me an e-mail every morning. I love how he smells, how he tastes, and how he fucks. I love that he is sooo much bigger than me; how his hands and feet are twice the size of mine, how tiny I feel standing next to him. I love his “giddy shake,” his smile, and his sweet disposition.

When I look at him I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I think about a wedding and lots of family and friends. I think about buying a house in the suburbs with our cats and a dog. When I look at him I want to have children. Tall, funny, caring, dark haired children who will play basketball or be in the drama club. When I look at him I think about growing old with him. How happy he could make me.

And I am scared out of my fucking mind.

I have heard that sometimes you just know.

Sometimes you meet someone and you just know.

And I think I just know, as scary as it is…