The Sex Part Always Gets in the Way

I think the movie When Harry Met Sally said it best with this famous line “men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” For the most part this quote is basically true. Yet, over the past few years I have found some exceptions. After much research, I have come up with the four ways that a man and a woman can truly just be friends.

1) He’s taken: This guy is in a very committed relationship and never looks in the direction of another girl. These are a very rare find, but when you do find them they will be extra loyal to you and their girlfriend.

2) He’s your friend’s boyfriend: As any girl knows your friend’s significant other is off limits. Always and forever. These guys know that they have to be nice to you in order to stay on good terms with their girlfriends. But be careful to not get to close to them. This week’s man of your friend’s dreams is next week’s evil boy from hell. Which means you also must be ready to kick his ass at a moments notice. Always remember Sisters before Studs.

3) He’s your ex-boyfriend: You did the dating thing and it didn’t work out. Now later down the line you two can be buddies. The mystery of “what could happen if…” and “I wonder what so-n-so looks like naked?” is gone therefore clearing the path for a meaningful friendship. You are moving forward. Just beware of feelings redeveloping. Yes, it may turn out well but chances are it won’t; then you lost the wonderful friendship that you fostered. This theory also apply to guys you just messed around with and not actually dated. Bye-bye sexual tension hello hanging out and drinking beer.

4) He’s gay: Enough said.

I bet you are asking yourself, “Hey, I have a boyfriend already now I can have male friends. And what about if he has a girlfriend? Huh? What then?” Nice theory but it doesn’t always work like that. I know several guys where putting the moves on another mans girl has never been a problem. Again the movie When Harry Met Sally puts it best:

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.
Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns: When did I say that?
Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.


Boys are difficult but having real friendships with them can be rewarding. As a single girl it is sometimes hard trying to tell whether a guy wants to be your friend or just wants to be your friend long enough to get into your pants. So what do you do? Go with it and try the friend thing and hope one doesn’t fall for the uninterested other? In this situation someone is bound to get hurt. And that someone is usually me. Oy vey.





(btw I caught When Harry Met Sally on TV last week which is why it is stuck in my head. It’s such a great romantic comedy. If you haven’t seen it you should. So, anyway I apologize for all the references.)