The Struggle

And i hope you find

The magic on the floor

That i left behind

And i forgot to close the door

The careless gestures

That made it all so rough

What could i expect from

The great mystery above

It's uncontrolled

All the hate and all the love

The blame that i place

I'm never proud of

I'm never proud of.

.

And every time i pass a place of trouble

I recollect the violence of the struggle

The struggle

The struggle

The struggle.

.

An angel i was

Beloved by everyone

The devil you were

Just what i made you become

And i don't regret

This way it's gonna be

I just hope she gets

Treated better than you did me

You should give what you find

And not tread so fearfully

If you felt good inside

You wouldn't be so scared of me

You wouldn't be so scared of me.

.

And when the light comes down you know it's gonna be a strong one

If we're still both around we look into the face of the sun

Of the sun

Of the sun

Of the sun.

.

We could try to bury the hatchett in the cold, cold ground

But it's sure to heat up when the spring comes around.

.

~Mirah, The Struggle

Fuck 'um.

I hate men...

Especially the ones who only want to get into my pants.

Fuck um all.

I've had it.

An Odd, Odd Day

I saw one of the oddest things I have ever seen today.

I was sitting in a parking lot in Kingston, PA making phone calls for work. I glace up to see a teenage girl walk up to a car, open the trunk, get in and close herself in. Odd but it gets weirder…

So then a woman approaches the car and opens the trunk with the girl in it. They have about a 3 minutes conversation before the girl reaches up and pulls the hood back down. The woman who was talking shook her head and then got into the drivers seat of the car.

A few minutes pass and a young man approaches the car and gets into the passenger seat.

The car then turns on and they pull away and out of the parking lot. With the girl still in it.

As I said before…. Odd.






On another note. Some guy asked me out at the Burger King (one of the customers not an BK employee, that would just be unprofessional).

I was at a conference for my work this past week and it was enjoyable. They did a momorial for my dad and so I got a chance to speak in front of 500 of the union members and my co-workers. It was another one of those things that made me realize how amazing a person my dad was.
 

Fuck what a day. First a friend is haveing some personal issues (Again, if there is anything I can do, please ask) then some work issues came up.

God I'm ready for a change.

I can't handle this shit. I've had so much in my life lately I just feel like I am in a bad place and am ready to move on and start over.

A new city, a new job, a new life.

I know I have been saying this for months, but I really need to get my ass in gear and get to it.

*sigh*

So now I am drinking (heavily), doing laundry, and working on my resume.

At least I am going out of town tomorrow for a few days for a huge work event in Harrisburg. It will be nice to see some of my other co-workers from the other side of the state.

They're a bunch of communist hippy drunks. And I like that about them.

Every Woman

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill,
and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over
her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,

break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder...

and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

---

(I stole this from another blog, I have seen this before butI like the way she edited it)

My Mommykins

My mom with Sammy the cat.

(I actually have lots of pics to post. However, I can't get the damn photo thing to work. *Sigh* But this is my favorite...)

Off to the Farm

I'm heading home for the weekend to see my mommy. A weekend of playing with the dogs, cuddling with kitties, chasing chickens and chillin with my mom should help cheer me up again.

At least a little.

Yes, my mom lives on a farm. No, I did not grow up on one. My mom re-married a farmer. So no farm girl jokes ;-)

Karma

To Whom it May Concern:

Karma's a Bitch isn't it?

Again and again and again

I feel run over by a Mack truck. And this isn’t the first time. I think I have a sign on my head that says “Please, fuck with me” that only men can see.

Somehow, I keep ending up in this situation every few months or so. Usually, with the same guy. Over and over again. You’d think I’d learn…

I have had a rocky on and off relationship with B since we “ended” almost two years ago. During one of those off periods I met a great guy, who looking back now had potential. I never gave us a chance, stopping us from having an emotional relationship before it even started, with the backward hope that things would get fixed with B. When I came to my senses (abet temporarily) and realized that B and I were over, I attempted to backpedaled with the other guy; knowing that I fucked up a possible good thing. I tried a few times in fact. Unsuccessfully. I guess it serves me right.

So I ran right on back to the place I shouldn’t have run.

Thus it continued.

On Off On Off On Off….

So now here I am again. Haven given my heart to someone sorely undeserving only to have it ripped out and stomped on. Again.

I should have learned my lesson long ago.

Maybe I should act like a Man. Reverting to our friend Slutty Heidi and use men in a way that serves me…

I guess I am just afraid of being alone. I haven’t gone more than a few weeks in almost 4 ½ years truly alone. I should give up on men for a little while. Actually, be ALONE. Maybe try to make it from now till Jan 1 without anything. No lover, no emotionial attachments, no nothing. Figure myself out. Give myself time to move on with my life. Not just from my old lovers but from PA, as well as from all of the sadness of the past year.

Anyway….

Today it is officially a year since I started my first REAL job. And trust me, my life is no where near what I wanted it to be a little over a year after college and a year into my job. I need a change. A BIG change. A total overhaul. A new job. A new city. An apartment with a couch and a puppy and kitty.

My friends and family tell me that life really doesn’t have to be this hard. Loved ones won't always leave me. People really don’t live in hotels, in a town that they hate. And men aren’t always assholes and won’t always treat me like shit.

Or so I have been told…

Lost

I feel like I lost my best friend...

Dissapearing People

Why now?

I'm not ready yet.

Nothing to Do

So I suddenly had an unexpected long weekend. I wasn't supposed to have this weekend off, but my boss on Thursday said about not worrying about working this weekend. I had made plans for Mon, a staff holiday so everyone had it off to begin with, but non for the rest of this weekend.

I had nothing at all to do yesterday and it was great! I took a bubble bath, shaved my legs, read a trashy magazine, cleaned the fish tank, did my nails, made a big dinner, went to Target and got some movies from Blockbuster.

I haven't had a day like that in a looonnnggg time. Since I only get four days off a month, usually every other weekend, I tend to fill them up with activities. I NEVER stay in Wilkes-Barre. I never just not do anything, and I kinda liked it.

So now, since I did make plans for tomorrow, I'm off. But I will have to remember how much I enjoyed and how much I missed just doing nothing.

"Abandoned People in an Abandoned City"

I don't even have the words to describe what I feel for the people of the south. My heart goes out to them.

I sit transfixed to the TV amazed at what I see. Children and the elderly dieing right there on CNN.

And people aren't talking about the elephant in the room: the race and economic status of those that were trapped. I am sure that they wanted to leave... they couldn't. They didn't have the means. Now they are left, like animals to fend for themselves. These people went where they were supposed to go and when they got there, nothing. No food, no water.

I am disgusted with our government. Not just disgusted, I'm outraged.

Our president is useless. I am ashamed of him. More than I have ever been. He seems so nonchalant about it all. Not even leaving his vacation right away.

And as I have heard over and over again, they can drop food into Baghdad, why can't they drop food into the New Orleans Superdome or the Convention Center? Thats a good question.

"Abandoned people in an Abandoned City"

I sit in front of the Television and cry.

So I have given to the Red Cross. As much as I could. Its not nearly enough. But it is all I can. I will give more next week.

You should give as much as you can as well... even if it is only $5 or $10. These people have lost EVERYTHING. You can spare some.

Donate Now

And although it may sound trite, I also feel for the poor animals there. To some people, there pets are their families. The ASPCA is also accepting donations. They need your help as well...